Now: there were other thoughts too, for example the problem that a universe without living beings doesn't really exist, as someone asked himself once:
"Is a rose really red, if no one is looking at it?"
Or: "Where is the smell of the rose, if nobody is there ?"
And would form exist if no one is touching?
And sound if nobody is hearing?
And taste if nobody is tasting?
Love if nobody is feeling?
And thought if nobody is thinking?
The existence of a universe without living beings is not much and that's the reason that life cannot be just a coincidence, but must be a necessity, and not only on this earth, because our consciousness is so small in the big universe, but as a necessity for the whole universe and also in the microcosm for all eternity.
That would be a really fulfilled universe as God's own creation to be proud of.
And the next item expressed this idea: the universe should be God himself, because if the eternal Spirit is the truth, the universe should reflect this truth.
I also saw this as a vision projected in the universe.
It is an old idea known as pantheism, which should be fulfilled, because the universe doesn't look like a God.
There is something missing here.
(It could be the micro-giant from Dick Waanders, but I found my solution in the microcosm.)
The next idea was that there could be living beings on an electron, like we live on our earth.
That was a very funny idea and someone else had the same idea as me and we spoke about it.
(Later on I wanted to tell him my atomic theory, but he laughed at me.)
In the next step I went even smaller (than the micro beings on an electron) in the idea that the I in: "Who am I ??" was fully abstract in fact (which I had learned from the philosopher Börger) but yet still existed, so the I had to be a point, because the point was something there, but yet was nothing at all.
And that was a big problem, because if I was a point, how was it then possible to see a picture?, because a point couldn't hold a picture in its self.
And to solve this problem I made a drawing with smaller and smaller pictures going to that point as an infinite number of them, but even that couldn't solve the problem.
And to make my I-point a little more concrete, I drew it like a little micro being on that electron.
But if my I was a little man inside me (as a kind if symbol of my essence, because at that moment that little micro man was a mere fantasy) there should be an even smaller man in that little man, and so on, and so forth.
a little man in a little man in a little man in a little man in a little man in a little man in a little man
So: also these micro men became an infinite number towards that unsolved point that couldn't embrace a picture.
"And how is it possible that dead matter still shows such intelligence in the laws of physics and in the function of our body?"
But at that time I had the feeling that there was something missing in the explanation of the evolution, because it had been to quick.
What is about two milliards years for such a big step from dead matter to intelligent life?
It is not much! That's how I felt.
At that time I had been a scientologist for half a year in the spiritual movement of L. Ron Hubbard and there they had the idea that once in the past there had been a spacecraft culture in the universe, which dumped their criminals on lonely planets like our earth.
 -  ( So we descend from notorious ancestors.)
But this idea seemed to me contrary to the idea of the evolution from low to higher living beings and from lower to higher cultures.*
Though it is not so peculiar that there might have been higher spacecraft civilizations in the cosmos already in the past, for me it was rather strange at that time.
(Maybe I had already a presentiment to put the evolution upside down.)
*This idea is also known in the new age movement, who believes that there were higher civilizations in the past on earth.

Except all those ideas, which I have mentioned here, there has been more, for in Scientology L. Ron Hubbard wondered how it could be possible that our brain could contain such much information.
Because we have an immense capacity to recall things and all our cells and neurons in our brain are not enough to store these memories.
But with my atomic theory it is very easy explained, because in our brain exist the brain of the micro people and in the brain of the micro people exist the brain of the mini micro people, and so on.
So the capacity is endless.
And later on (after I had already found my atomic theory) I once looked in a booklet in a bookstore in which our brain was compared with an immense big city, but only by way of comparing, not that it really was that way.
But according to my opinion it really is that way.

And after that I saw a book of biology in which there was made a drawing to compare our whole body with a nation and in which the brain was the government and the veins were rivers and the nerve system were electrical wires, and the lungs were parks and woods, and so on.
It was the same idea, but nobody apparently had drawn the conclusion (as far as I know) to take this comparison seriously as a reality.
Because for that you need much more background philosophy, much more insight in the whole structure of the universe.
Or: to make such a conclusion stable you need to make even much more further conclusions.
And who is able to do so?
Because even if someone might have a flash of insight that there might be life in the microcosm or even that atoms might be spaceships, he must also be able to develop this idea to the full content of a total new structure of the universe or his idea will collapse again, because as such it has no background.
It will be only something on its own and will perish again.
And a while ago I met the same idea again in a book from the library about artificial intelligence, that means: robots, from Ian Graham.
In this book the author compared the whole web site system or internet with a brain system, like a collective or co-operative consciousness of all humanity.
Of course, very ingenious, but now you have to remark also that this whole web site system is not only a brain system on its self, but has a deeper foundation in our brains and the other way around (in reverse) our brains must be web site systems, because like our web site system is a brain, our brains must be web site systems.
It is very easy logic.
But our web site system is managed by us.
And then comes the big question: who are managing our brains if our brains are web site systems too?
Who are there behind those little computers to make our brains as a web site system work?
Who are operating there inside of me?
The ... micropeople!!

I also made up the idea that I needed three days to find the answer.
And for three evenings I walked in Amsterdam along the canals to think about my problems.
But also the third evening I didn't find it and went to bed, but in bed I couldn't sleep so very well because of my thinking that went on in my half sub consciousness of half sleeping.
And suddenly I saw the solution to the problems:
And I think that especially the last idea of an higher spacecraft civilization in the past (from Scientology) contrary to the evolution, that this idea cracked the problem.
Because I only had to put that spacecraft of the past into the microcosm as an atom and the problem was solved, because now our life hadn't grown from a lower dead matter, but from a higher form of life and the problem was solved how matter could work so intelligent and especially in our bodies.
I had to turn the evolution idea upside down.
But I am not sure that it went this way, because at that moment that found the solution I was immediately forgotten how I had found it by the shock of the recognition of the solving of the problem.
And even if it went this way, I don't know what brought me to the idea to put that spaceship of Scientology into the microcosm.
Maybe the feeling that their idea of an earlier higher civilization was contrary to the evolution in connection with my feeling that the evolution had been to quick and that there had to be something else to explain it.
There was something missing in the explanation of the evolution, because it had been to quick and that brought me in connection with that earlier spacecraft culture that put the evolution upside down.
And it is also very funny that after all these years I'm finally capable to reconstruct the problem how I might have come to the last step to put that spaceship of Scientology into the microcosm.
1 - the evolution had been to quick: something was missing here.
2 - an earlier spacecraft culture was contrary to the evolution.
3 - an atom as a spaceship turned the evolution upside down from high to low, and...........
now the universe was built out of living beings and now it could be explained why our bodies could work so well and how life could emerge from dead matter, because dead matter was not dead at all, but full of life.
And the universe also possessed an eternal evolution now, because these micro-people in these spaceships in the microcosm were built out of even smaller atoms, which were spaceships too, and so on, and so forth as an infinite progression of cultures and we shall built the universe full of spaceships in the future to pass through all the stages of the microcosm too in an infinite evolution.
In one glance I saw the whole picture.
The riddle of the universe was solved.
(The veil of Isis had been lifted.)
In "dead matter" or: nature, man shall find only himself, but as a future being.
And: like it is in the macrocosm, so it is in the microcosm, only the microcosm is also the future as a higher stage.
Because the I was still a point that couldn't see a picture and the universe as God was not one single being, but the unity of an infinite number and as such He could not have one clear consciousness but only a collective consciousness.
(The One God of the holy bible had become the unity of an infinite number of gods.)
At the moment that I found my atomic theory I was not really happy with it.
( Probably because it seemed to me an endless world of technique in the first place.)
I had the feeling that I was looking in the underworld like a kind of hell.
I looked in a deep hole with fire burning in it and I closed the hole with a lid in order not to be overwhelmed by the fire.
But I could also see the beauty of it, so I felt shaken from one end to the other, or: torn apart.
One moment I wrote my atomic theory down on a piece of paper and a moment later I tore it up to pieces and threw it away.
Then I regretted it and pasted it together again.
Then I threw it away once more.
Later on I bought a typewriter to write it down better.
I couldn't escape my destiny: I had found it, so I had to bear it.
And then I had also the feeling that nobody would believe me.
And this has proven to be true till today: thirty years later.
So I had not the feeling to run out in the street and call:  "Eureka !!"  -  (I have found it!)  -
And then the circumstances of my life were also not so happy at that time.
And in general I had also the feeling to live in the world like an underworld.
And I considered this atomic theory as a present from the devil and as a big burden too.
Why me?
And till yet it has been the cross of my life.
And maybe this is a good opportunity to change the subject into ........: