These are our kittens.

The grey one is called Homer because he's fat and stupid.

The black one is called Jules because she reminds us of Jules from Pulp Fiction.

Jules disappeared for 10 days and came back looking like she'd escaped from Bergen Belsen en Homer was put on a diet at the fine age of 7 months.

Pathetic.

Homer is the easiest to get on film.

His colours contrast quite well and look good in black and white.

The leaflet reads:

"A healthy future..."

This photo was taken days before Homer had his nuts removed. I wonder if he gets the irony of it?

This is a close up of little anorexic Jules.

She farts a lot too.

Our kittens are allowed outside. That's why they get lost, have fleas, stink and are generally skanky.

I'm positive that Jules is the neighbourhood slut and that Homer's too stupid to care.

They are, by the way, cousins, Homer is one week older and 7 kg's heavier than Jules.