---

---

Previous Bob Ross Reports

---

Since Bob is in downtown Toronto right now, painting some key lime pie and a replacement has been found to handle the report
Hi there..Mr. Ross is sitting at the next table eating his pie and he asked me to write this report.
I am not sure if I am too thrilled with that, it's after 1 am already and my feet and legs hurt....
Also ever since three guys from Holland looked at me the entire night I haven't felt the same..
Maybe I just lost my smile..(©Shawn Michaels)

But I will give it a try. My co-workers Nicole, Ann and Maria told me that I should try everything in life once, after which they gave me something to drink. Oddly enough that's the last thing I remember from that night, the next thing I know I was in a bed, naked with lipstick marks all over my body.

At Fan Axxess prior to Doomsday III fan had the chance to meet their favorite superstars..and The Big Show too!
Speaking of the Big Show, his hands are huge which is really important to him. Not because they enable him to deliver that gigantic chokeslam, but because of his wife. Bess actually tried to get a job at Hooters, but was turned down as she had to wear two shirts to cover her breasts..
To some that is a good thing, to some a bad thing. Some might smile..me? I dunno....

Stone Cold has been WWF Champion for quite some time now, dating back to the end of May of last year.
Since then he has gone on to defeat the biggest names in the federation like HHH, Rock, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. At Lashback a huge rumble will be held to decide who is the next challenger. This man will be more motivated than ever with some huge momentum as he defeate nineteen of the federation's finest! Will Stone Cold be able to hold onto that belt much longer?

Triple H won the Intercontinental title at Doomsday III, his first title in WWF No Mercy and his first one since losing the WWF title to Kurt Angle in december 2000. Don't be surprised if The Game goes all the way and challenges Austin for that title. If anyone could be a double champion it is Triple H!

A short injury report here:

Chris Jericho's concussion is starting to get better. However, we are keeping him under constant observation as it seems the injury returns whenever he tries to climb the ladder of stardom in the WWF.

Hollywood Hogan has been suffering from an deflated ego after not being booked to win the title from Austin at Doomsday III. Doctors believe the often used remedy of giving Hogan 'the book' is not advisable at this time. They are afraid that as a result many other superstars will start experiencing throbbing headaches or that they just might suddenly drop to the mat without any prior indication of illness.
The experts also are afraid that this cure for Hogan's illness might clear the way for several other diseases such as JimmyHartritis, Several STDs (squash technicalwrestlers disease) and a bad case of verbal diarea by Hogan himself. Another sickness that might rear its head, although it would happen to WWF fans alone would be what people refer to as 'sleeping illness' or in medical terms 'EdLeslieIsInTheRing-Itis'

X-Pac has been seeing an expert recently to learn more about his terminal condition of suckiness. The doctor, who is also treating the Bossman is clueless as for a cure at this point.

Rob Van Dam received some good news last week. His new fanclub has over four hundred members. Fourhundred and twenty to be exact. The first fanclub meeting was this saturday, in one of the founding members' own little private greenhouse behind his house. At times it was a bit crowded inside, but this didn't hamper RVD who was just happy to be there. As he put it rather bluntly; 'this is cool!'. Rob discussed many things with his fans, like his chronic condition to want to climb that turnbuckle and get higher than any other star in the WWF but also things like his favorite music; Heavy metal, yet also the Doobie Brothers, late Beatles and much more. All in all fun was had by all, and for many the event was the high light of their week.

Our pie is good. Do you miss it?
Our chicken and our beer is good too. I bet you miss that too..
And let's be honest..our service is good too. Double as good as the pie, beer and chicken I'd say? I bet you miss that most of all!
Our service will put a smile on your face..it sure as hell doesn't put a smile on mine..

Take care and maybe we'll see you again some day here in Hooters Downtown TO!!

Xoxo Maria :)

Since Bob is in Afghanistan painting the rubble there, a superstar has been asked to fill Bob's shoes..

Well you know something brudda, who would have thought we'd show up here man?
But it proves once and for all brudda that The Hulkster, Hollywood is really immortal, man!
Nothing can beat the Icon that build wrestling brudda! This is the site that Hollywood build, brudda!
So watcha gonna do when the 24 inch pythons write up a report for you?

Well you know something, the current WWF Champion is Austin right now, man, but when I left the federation man he was just a little peon, brudda, and he still is as far as I am concerned man..That belt beckons to Hollywood Hogan, brudda and I will hold it once again, brudda and spraypaint it because it belongs to me and me alone, man!

As far as my two friends for life, man, Big Sexy and The Bad Guy, these two men can do whatever they want brudda, to whomever they want to do it to, man! You got those two little blonde guys holding the tag team belts but we all know they are no match for the Outsiders, brudda! When Kev and my brudda Scott feel the time is right they will destroy those two jobbers man, and show them what power is all about..backstage power that is, man!

And as for The Rockies, Triple H-es and Kurt Angle in this world man, they are all in this business because I made it what it is today, man..When they were wearing diapers trying to crawl I was headlining cards all over the world brudda, I was taking on all comers man and beating them one by one with the atomic legdrop brudda..I was slamming fire breathing 700-plus pounds Giants brudda!

The WWF knows that Hollywood Hulk Hogan is the one and only living legend in this world man..They will see that it Hulkamania still runs wild and that the nWo is for life brudda! And they will all bow down to the power of Hollywood, Big Kev and Scott, man!!

So watcha gonna do when the nWo goes wild on you!!

The preceding was an announcement by the

Since Bob is in the jungles of Thailand painting little young nubile bushes a replacement superstar has been asked to fill Bob's shoes..

What? That's right, it's me Stone Cold Steve Austin to let you know that I have had my eye on this report for a long time. And my watch is telling me right now it's time for Stone Cold to tell you some news and rumors about what is going on in the WWF. What?

First of all, I would like to thank Tommy Dreamer for coming out at Combat Zone last night. Thank you, Tommy for being there and jobbing your title in twenty-two seconds. That's pathetic! You were all ready to go at it, defend that ugly title of yours against Raven and that RVD-sumbitch and what happens? What? You get knocked on the head and you start bleeding! I bet you cried too, backstage! What?

Also at Combat Zone the APA retained their tag titles against those scrawny Hardy kids. These guys seem to have dominated the tag team division the way Stone Cold dominates the WWF!! I have had my eye on Farooq and Bradshaw for a long time now and some day, maybe three, four, five years from now they could be big stars!

And what about Triple H? What? That loud mouth sumbitch calls himself The Game? What? The Cerebral Assassin? What? Didcha look at him in that 3-way match? He got pinned most of all! Haha..And he stood there as Angle and Benoit went at it! That match was a draw and yet Triple H was the only one that lost! Pathetic! He is a sorry excuse for a superstar! He is only with Stephanie because he has such a big nose!

So now Benoit and Angle both claim to want a shot against Stone Cold's WWF Title? What? I said they want a title shot! There's only one thing Stone Cold can say to that. Eh-eh Jackass! You both had your chances, you couldn't do it! What? You're both pathetic! Look atcha! Look at me! I am bigger than you, stronger than you and a whole lot smarter than you! What? It wouldn't be fair! So what do I say to your demands? What?
It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?It's over! What?

At 'Double Jeopardy' Angle and Benoit will fight over the IC belt. That's pathetic, that thing doesn't mean nothing. Look at it! It isn't half as big as my title!
Stone Cold will be refereeing that match. What? Yeah, that's right! Stone Cold Steve Austin will be wearing his striped shirt and make sure those jack-asses don't do nothing stupid! These guys need to have their hands held at whatever they do. Pathetic!What?

Also at the pay-per-view there will be some battle royal where they have to make eachother bleed! What? I said they have to make eachother bleed!! I bet they will cry too. They're all cry-babies. I hate it when men cry..It's pathetic! I bet some meely-mouthed jack-ass wins it just because he was hiding under the ring crying for his mommy and he is the last to bleed..

So...if you want Stone Cold Steve Austin to tell alot more about WWF No Mercy, gimme a Hell Yeah?! What? What? Ahahaha...you did exactly what I thought you would do! You want Stone Cold to go on? Na-ah..My watch is telling me it is time to stop for today! What? This is it!Just remember, I have my eye on you, and I am the wind beneath your ring! What?

  what?

  what??

  WHAT????

  Hahahaha...I knew you would keep on scrolling! You're doing exactly what I thought you would! You're pathetic! What? I said you're pathetic! What? You aren't even worthy to be near Stone Cold! Now go! What?

Hello everyone and welcome to the eleventh issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are some ideas from under the big-ass-afro!
Since Bob is in the jungles of Thailand painting little young nubile bushes a replacement superstar has been asked to fill Bob's shoes..

Welcome citizens to the Hurrireport!
My Hurrivision and Hurrihearing has enabled me to get some information about the superstars, unknown to mortals as up till now! So stand back! There is a Hurricane coming through!!

The vile fiends known as Hardy Boyz have earned a shot against the APA. The strategy the Hardyz should use is probably run run run run run until the APA get bored, drink beer and doze off. This is the only way the APA can be defeated, or I am not a member of the league of Superheroes!

I was recently bested by Jerry Lynn..he must have found some way to block out my Hurripowers. But I shall return and be victorious in the end, as good shall always conquer evil!

The Hurricycle had to undergo some changes as Mighty Molly's Mighty Big Caboose wouldn't fit in the seat. Wassupwiddat?

Citizen Storm, part-time member of the Hurri-league got a great opportunity to become WWF Champion at Goldage. But alas, he came up short. But my Hurrisenses tell me this man has a bright future here. The moment he taps into his own superpowers!

Citizen Benoit, also known as the Wolverine, has said that he wishes to become the fightingest IC champion ever, and will defend his title at every opportunity possible. I admire men like this, who try to set their barriers and try to overcome the obstacles that mere mortals meet! Hurrigratulations to Chris Benoit!

Crime in the world of wrestling has gone down since I have entered it. I am about to close in on the fiendish villain who stole Eddie Guerrero's wallet, and who raised the suitcase!
I have solved the puzzle of who places feces in Sable's bag. It was her husband! I mean..Her husband was *IN* the bag!

X-Pac isn't really gay. He just seems that way when he tries to be hip and cool!

A warning to all you citizens out there! Never ask Rob Van Dam for the time. He always seems to think it is 4:20!!Wassupwiddat?

And finally, some more advice. It is your civic duty to be on the lookout for crime and evil do-ers! But remember! A good citizen will never put himself in danger, but rush to the closest Hurrisignal. The Hurricane or any member of the Hurri-league will be there to stop the dastardly deed before you can say Sugar Shane Helms was a member of three-count but who remembers because that sucked!Wassupwiddat?

Hello everyone and welcome to the TENTH issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are some ideas from under the big-ass-afro!
Since Bob is in the jungles of Borneo painting little happy bushes a replacement superstar has been asked to fill Bob's shoes..

Hello everyone, It's me, Moppy...I have some news for you as I have been observing everything and everyone!

Now first to clear the air. Perry is a gentleman and he has not taken advantage of me at any time. He always opens the doors for me and he has really swept me off my feet. I hold him very dear!

I have noticed that X-Pac sucks a bit less these days..then again, he isn't on TV very often. What I did find out however is that X-Pac sure likes to hang out in the broom closet all by himself..and the brooms don't seem to like it.

It seems that that one trick X-Pac does, where he spins around on top of his opponent..he perfected that one in that very same broom closet..

Wow, the APA have successfully defended their tag titles SEVENTEEN times..They have basically beaten all teams in and out the WWF. Perhaps the newly arrived Kroni>| kan stop them but I wouldn't count on it yet. They first have to take care of their problems with the Undertaker.
It made my wooden heart cringe seeing Perry getting manhandled by those two big APA bullies..but credit where credit is due..the team of Bradshaw and Farooq reigns supreme!

I don't understand why people laugh at me and drool over Stacy Keibler..we share the same bra size!
Sure, those long legs of hers make her more mobile, but my hair is more trendy!

At WWF Venom we will see Stone Cold versus the Cripler. That is a match-up everyone has been waiting to see. Even I am looking forward to it, it makes my splinters itch! Stone Cold's in your face style taking on the technical onslaught of Chris Benoit. This could be good!

Stephanie McMahon has huge tits now..everybody loves them, she should at least do a spread for Raw Magazine in the near future!
No, I meant a normal decent pictorial, the kind of spread you were thinking of, she only does for the Game himself!

Booker T is one great wrestler, but he has a long way to go before he can call himself the number one contender..
But keep that between us, if he asks, I didn't just say that!
Tell him..I did NOT..just say that!

Kurt Angle was extremely aggitated after WWF Brawl, and it took him along time before he could describe how he felt about Justin Credible interfering in his match against Lance Storm.
"That was...that was just so...just injustice! But I will get back at him!"
Kurt might get his shot as he and the 'please lemme tag along with anyone who actually has a good feud' man of the moment, Chris Jericho take on Storm and Credible!

WWF Venom will be a great event, the card looks impressive! so make sure you are there!
Bye now, see you soon and remember! There won't be any stoppin' if we all keep on moppin'!!!

Hello everyone and welcome to the ninehth issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

Due to Bob being away for a while, off to paint the wonderful trees of Greenland, his fro is being filled by non other than Haku!

Hello..this is Haku. I bring you the inside news.

Rock is a fine athlete. He's got good genes from Samoa. Could be the new Tonga Kid if he would grow his hair.
And maybe loose the shoes..
And gain seven hundred pounds when he grows older...

What's with X-pac? He is gay!

Had a scary dream last week all week. I dreamt I was in some wrestling league and they called me Meng but said Ming and I was listening to a guy with horns drawn on his head and then later I lost matches three times a week to a bald man whose most impressive move was snorting the smoke during his entrance..

Collision was good. Benoit and Angle tore the roof off. Essa Rios, Dean Malenko, Jerry Lynn and I had to build it back on. At least we had something to do other than begging to do the job on Jakked.

At Inferno, many teams will fight for the right to face the Acolytes. Should they be happy? Even Rikishi and I, Haku, were destroyed by these two monsters. They messed with my hair more than with my pride though..
But really, who can take on The APA. Can anyone stop them?

With Bob out of the way I can plug my own products. Buy Haku's Big Ol'Fro weaves! I use em every day!

Rikishi might be family, but he sure is fat. Then again..that never harmed Yokozuna..oh hmm..bad example.

Pound for pound, Billy Gunn must be the biggest bleached turd in the WWF.
No offense Billy, but please choke on a hair ball!

Trish Stratus' boobs are big..

Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H will have one hell of a match at Inferno. These two men are ready to show the rest of the card how it's done. I am rooting for The Game myself. At least he has hair on his scalp..

That's it for this time people. I don't know when Bob will be back so you will have to do with me, or perhaps some other superstar who has something on his mind. Take care and remember...
Even when life isn't treating you fair...you still can have big hair!

Hello everyone and welcome to the seventh issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

At Ultimate Justice Angle and Austin will go at it one more time. Chris Benoit is the referee though! He is Austin's tag team partner but sure acted odd in the match against Angle and Jericho. On whose side, if anyone's, is The Crippler?

WWF Official and Stooge Gerald Brisco had an minor accident at a farm he visited and will remain home for now. He apparently has a wounded knee and a shattered hand after he was squashed by a sitting bull. We wish him many good wishes.

At Ultimate Justice Dean Malenko defends his European title against Tazz. This will be one hellacious battle, with clashing styles. Both men do have certain things in common, one of them is obviously their stature. This should not stop this match from being excellent.
Expect a Max Mini or Tarantula run in, btw..

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!

Haku hasn't been seen on WWF tv lately because some hoodlum threw a piece of gum in his hair. He has spend the last six weeks trying to comb it out. But do not despair folks, he is alright now. The worst is over.

Ultimate Justice is really an old school pay-per-view with matches like The Rock versus Kane and Triple H taking on the Undertaker. Could we see more old school surprises here? Who knows...

The ladder match between Raven, Saturn and Eddie Guerrero might not be old school, but it will certainly be entertaining to watch. All three men know eachother very well, and are students of the game.

Another match that has the potential to be great is the 3way between Test, Jericho and Regal.
With Jericho' recent turn he seems to have gained aggressiveness, or maybe only now is he able to release it..who knows? But it makes him a dangerous man..Test however is on a roll himself, having squashed his former tag partner Albert last time at Body Count. The third man isn't one to be forgotten though. No matter if he finds himself on a plane or in a ring, William Regal always is a force to be reckoned with. This one is far from decided, folks!

One unstoppable Rhyno and two undersized men with big hearts will make for one brutal hardcore match!

Rhyno's friends Edge and Christian have been taking the time off to experiment with their art work.
Christian is in his 'world through crazy ass sunglasses' period right now. While Edge is trying expressionistic art using soda cans and streamers. I am looking forward to another exposition by these men.

Good news on the clam chowder front. I have been talking to a company and they are prepared to bring my chowder on the market. Things are really going fast now. We are talking weeks here folks! Right now I am making designs for the can wrappers. I am also thinking of the commercials. In my head I see a bar..I see a man..it's Kane! Without mask! And he is enjoying a nice bowl of my clam chowder! Oh, i can just see it now!

Grandmaster Sexay's promos are hilarious. He really seems to have found his groove, with the over the top white homey thing. He has a great future here at the WWF, as long as he remembers this line:
Your career will be mer-ray as long as you don't mention je-ray!

That is it for this week folks. Great things are happening in the WWF right now, so keep an eye out!
As for me, I will be going home to spend some time with the family and my horse hair brushes. I think it's time for the spring cleaning and I am gonna beat those little rascals clean, just against the side of the table..Just get all that aggressiveness out..Bye all!

The heinous alliance of Jericho and Angle have challenged Stone Cold Steve Austin to a match at WWF Body Count. The man that stepped up to Austin's aid is Chris Benoit. The Crippler and The Rattlesnake still have a titleshot against The APA coming up and this will be a great way to prepare!

II Cool has sworn to get back once again at The Brothers of Destruction! I don't like the odds they have against the two behemoths, but we will have to see what our two ho-mays have in store!

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!

Rikishi has been away from WWF shows recently, but that was not as many suggested because he is in the dog house. No..he was stuck inside a McDonald's. We finally have been able to break away the wall and will soon be back.

X-Pac is gay. Or trying to be..or so we think..whatever..

Many of you have been asking me about my paintings of Kane. I cannot show them right now, or tell too much about them. But let me tell you that they are amazing! Just imagine...thirty paintings of Kane! In a bar! Unmasked! That is more exciting than a free stash of vandyk brown!

Expect to see The Rock back in a pivotal role in the WWF. Arguable the best entertainer in the WWF will shine like he has never done before. It will knock you off your feet!

Perry Saturn and Pat Patterson have been working on Perry's routine. Pat has been pushing hard to make Saturn reach new heights. He has been backing Perry 100 percent and we will see where this will bring this great grappler.

Triple H has got a nose for opportunities, and will probably be back in the hunt for the belt soon enough.

Dean Malenko certainly deserved his title shot against Eddie Guerrero. If you can beat Chris Benoit you deserve gold! Sho...do I need to tell you what I am thinking? If only he would understand his own potential..

That's all for this week folks. There will probably be more to talk about soon! I have some exciting days ahead of me. First the Duluth gardening championships on Saturday, then on to Wichita for a fast painting exposition. Then back to the WWF for shows on monday and next week somewhere the PPV, Body Count! Do I have time for myself? Hardly, but I manage if I picture some happy little clouds! I can advise the same to you folks..Take care and see you all soon!

Hello everyone and welcome to the fifth issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Yes, its the first lustrum, and I can promise you there will be many more to follow!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

Can you believe Chris Jericho? He was the one who aided Angle all along! That sonofa... And all this time everybody thought he was such a nice promising superstar! His heart was pthalo green with envy all along!
But will it end here? Are there more young stars who wish to show the world what they are made of and take over the WWF? This is an exciting time to be part of this federation, folks!

Billy Gunn is certainly the one..the one we cannot get rid of, alright. We tried to ship him to OVW, but Mizark Henry beat him in running laps around the ring, we tried to give him to Memphis, but neither Cornette nor Chris Adams answered our calls, and even WCW will have nothing to do with this once fine athlete..

Sho Funaki has certainly dropped the ball in my opinion. His performance during his threeway with TAKA and Tajiri was below par. He was winded half the time, he missed several spots, and just stood and stared as Tajiri pinned his Kaientai partner TAKA. No, things are not well for Mr. Funaki and a reality check is in place. If he wishes to move on to a higher level in his career he needs to get that focus back, to show that he can perform night after night. I hope he can do it, but sometimes I have my doubts.

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!

What is the status of The Rock these days? Jobbing to Triple H in less than four minutes? Is his mind somewhere else, in Hollywood for instance, or is he troubled by injuries? Maybe we should have a talk with this great athlete and entertainer and hear what it is that troubles him...

Some good news too folks, William Regal has been touring the globe, bringing goodwill and peace everywhere. When this excellent ring performer joined our fed, many thought he would be just a pion, but I think he is an important piece of the puzzle of success.

What an upset at Critical Conflict when Dean Malenko beat Chris Benoit. Will this mean the professor will get a good push? Maybe..if we can find some more midgets to wrestle him..

X-Factor is a young and exciting faction in the WWF and are growing more mariju...er...popular each day.

The clam chowder is on the backburner for now, but not shelved. We are trying to find new ways of producing better yet cheaper clams. Those japanese import clams are expensive and actually taste rather goofy. I said GOOFY!!!

So what really is the heavy weight title situation, with all the controversy surrounding Angle, Austin and Jericho? Everybody is looking on, and several wrestlers are waiting to get their shot..
And when will Austin and Benoit have their tag title shots? Will the team of Angle and Jericho try to stop this? Once again I say these are exciting times in the World Wrestling Federation folks!
Who knows what answers might be solved, and what questions created at out next pay-per-view

That's it for this week! Keep those supportive letters coming! It's great to know you are all making a happy little world, with happy little clouds!
I should tell you, I recently broadened my horizon, and started painting portraits. I am currently working on 30 paintings of Kane in a bar! They are a must see!!! So long!

Hello everyone and welcome to already the fourth issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

What evil ideas have spawned in the mind of Kurt Angle? How can he stoop so low as to avoid a fair one-on-one contest with Stone Cold by trying to abduct his wife? Angle is a gifted athlete and should settle his disputes inside the squared circle!

This does leave the question however? What's next? Who is Angle's accomplice and what dastardly things do they have in store for the Rattlesnake? And what is Austin's next move? Will he snap or will he be able to keep some sort of self control until he gets the chance to get even?
At WWF Critical Conflict Austin and Angle will meet in a streetfight rules match..it might be the chance for Austin to get his revenge fast, but perhaps Kurt has some tricks up his Olympic sleeve?

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!

Things have certainly changed around for II Cool. First they were in a battle to keep a job, now they are in a battle to keep their lives against Kane and the Undertaker.

The other day I had a talk with Chris Benoit and he is really mad. In fact Christ Benoit is really angry!
In his title for title match with Blackman and Test he was the one going in without a title and he came out without one! Test and Blackman however swopped theirs..Benoit feels screwed over, as seems to be a tradition when you train in the dungeon of Stu..

K-Kwick has not been on WWF television lately because he has a side job that suits him better.
If you would like to contact him call 1-800-rap-0-gram and he will be on your doorstep rapping away in an hour.

What else but a clinic should we expect from Chris Benoit against Dean Malenko? These men are great friends but also great competitors and who will prove who wrong? This one might steal the card, folks!

Despite the rumors, Shawn Michaels will NOT reappear on WWF television until he gives me a tape of Whisper's nude limbodance.

Tajiri will defens his light-heavyweight title against TAKA and Funaki at Critical Conflict. Maybe we will finally see the talented side of Sho, instead of the unfocused overweight shadow of himself he has been recently. The bookers decided to give him this shot as a final chance to prove himself.
On a related note, if Sho is able to work a great match, then this one should be amazing. We know TAKA and Tajiri can deliver and I for one am looking forward to seeing them together in the ring.

Hardcore Holly vs. Saturn and his own cousin Crash should be a great hardcore match. Crash is not known from backing away from any challenge and he will take the fight to the two bigger men. Both Hardcore and Perry Saturn are very hardworking wrestlers and this one will be great!

No news on the clam chowder..I have been making some for a party last week though and all present were enthousiastic. I am just waiting now for the right company at the right time.

That's it for this week! Make sure you don't paint your trees too dark in this time of the year. Pthalo green and sap green are THE colors to use right now!

Hello everyone and welcome to already the third issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

Apologies for the report being a day late. But you know how it goes..I was asked to be a special commentator at the annual Alaskan Treehugging Groundhog painting contest and the festivities ran late, and thus I missed my flight!Let's move on to the news fast!

At Extreme Aggression the Acolytes proved once again they are in a league of their own! Fifteen straight title defenses! Is there anybody who can stop them?
Perhaps Stone Cold and Chris Benoit? They survived a brutal battle royal and will team up against the APA in the near future.

Stone Cold Steve Austin has got a big month in front of him. Not only does he have a chance at the tag gold, he also will have his shot against WWF Champion Kurt Angle at the grandaddy of em all!

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!

Edge and Christian will make their return to the squared circle at Doomsday II:Angry Little Clouds. Their little art adventure was successful, but the duo unfortunately prefers drawing blood instead of canadian happy trees.

How do you like him now? Hardcore Holly was able to win the Hardcore title from the Big Show, and I am sure Holly will prove himself a worthy champion once again!

The Rock will miss some upcoming dates due to a movie he will be starring in. As of yet little is known about the project, but ofcourse we will keep you updated as information becomes available!

Another WWF Superstar who will be doing a sideproject is Albert.
This giant of a man can be seen in a future episode of Sesame Street, which will center around the letter "A".
Albert has been following some courses recently to bring his public speaking skills to a higher level, and has also taken "anger management" courses, and they really seem to be paying off already!

Sho Funaki has trouble sticking to his diet. Only recently did yours truely catch him downing several of the clam chowder samplers I had put up on a table for the folks from an interested company. Needless to say Funaki has been punished, and the deal for my granma's chowder has been put on hold once more!

Essa Rios had a strong outing against TAKA, Angle and Triple H. This young man has incredible skills inside the ring. If he can get himself a nice gimmick he might go places. We were thinking of a mexican bandito, but Essa was unable to tell us how he thought of that, as he fled the lockerroom where we found him, as soon as we approached him.
Later that evening when we located him in a local bar, he was obviously not able to talk, due to too much Tequila.

Kurt Angle has been nagging backstage that another of his T-shirts went missing...
If I were Kurt I would worry more about Stone Cold Steve Austin at Doomsday II!

The mainstream media has been on my case lately for being an artist, and even reporting I like to talk about nothing but colors like Vandyk Brown, Liquid White and Phthalo Blue.
Some even went as far as saying I have no right calling myself a painter!
I would love to let these people know how you feel, and suggest you tell them by email.
I just love to do both jobs, and think the one doesn't get in the way of the other. Some of the comments were really degrading, and I don't think we have to put up with it.

One final thought..Chris Benoit, Test and Steve Blackman in one ring..add two belts and you the recipe for a GREAT match! I am looking forward to this one!

See you next week! Be careful out there when mixing blue and white!

Hello everyone and welcome to the second issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

With Extreme Aggression coming up, everybody seems to be thinking we will see a bunch of new wrestlers appear. So far nothing has been confirmed and we have had no new addition to our roster..So if anyone would appear it will have to be an outsider!

Despite not being able to wrestle, Edge and Christian are feeling good. They recently had their first art exposition, named 'totally happy clouds, so reeking of happiness!'
These two fine young men will be going places!

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!
This man is going places..and I don't mean the barber shop.

When Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho face eachother in the ring, it is an explosive situation. But now Eddie Guerrero has been added, and he might prove to be the fuse to ignite everything!

Late last week I had a meeting with some people from a big food company, who are interested in my clam chowder. However, nothing resulted from it...yet

The Big Show, in order to stay in shape has started weight lifting. He now cups his wife's breasts and lifts them for 60 minutes. Already he has gained lots of upper arm strength!

Sho Funaki still needs to work on his focus, and might be sent to Ohio for conditioning if he doesn't shape up. He has been notified of this, and has promised to work harder.
He too knows what they say about what happens to little japanese men in Ohio!

Speaking of Ohio... Mark Henry (you might recall him as a big fat lump that had no business in the ring anyways) is now able to run TWO rounds around the ring without needing extra oxygen!

We really see a future for Albert. With some better packaging he might be a future main eventer. Right now, in order to change his gimmick a bit, we gave him the phone number of legend George Steele who will show him some tricks of the trade.

Even the WWF brass is unsure what will happen next when it comes to Kurt Angle and his WWF title. Kurt is making so much enemies right now, he might have to start looking over his shoulder constantly.
Many wrestlers are begging for a chance to get Kurt in the ring. And then there are some who should be considered contenders, but who not yet have staked their claims!

Lita is really over with the fans. Not only does she get a bigger pop than the two Hardy brothers, her breasts are surely bigger too! Now if she would be a little less egotistical and gave us what we wanted, we would finally get to see what color her pubes are. Heck, I bet that long prayed for video with Trish Stratus will not be far behind.

That's it for this week! More news from under my big-ass afro next week! I am off to the store to buy some Liquid White and Phthalo Blue! Or no happy clouds for me this week!

Hello everyone and welcome to the very first issue of the Bob Ross Report!
Here are my ideas from under my big-ass-afro!

Right now The Rock, although his performance is still outstanding, needs to find himself a little edge..for some reason he has not appeared in any high profile feuds recently and that is a shame for this outstanding young superstar. If he could just find his sharpness again, he might take his game to the next level.

The Acolytes are kicking so much ass..I doubt if anybody can ever take their tag titles away. If there are two men however who could do it, it must be the two samoan giants, Rikishi and Haku.

The inflow of new talent really keeps the established superstars on their toes. A year ago it were the Radicalz who ripped up the league, now we have Tajiri and Jerry Lynn who right away jumped into the light heavyweight picture.
The established talent like Crash, Kaientai and many more will have to try their best to stop these newcomers.

Eddie Guerrero is close to making it to that next level. Some more strong outings by this talented superstar and he might find himself fighting for the big one!

Sho Funaki should try to be more focused in the ring, and then this man could go places.
Also, if he could keep an eye out on his diet and drop to 150 pounds, he just might be unstoppable

Despite being retired, Cactus Jack still clings on to the so-called 'Coolest Belt' which he has held for almost a year now, however he has not defended it since late last year. Several men are after him, including The Rattlesnake and Kane, who will get a shot at him soon.
As this match is non-sanctioned, several non-WWF wrestlers are after Cactus and his belt, including Jeff Jarrett, Rob van Dam!

II Cool and Lo'Down are in a bitter feud about who has to leave WWF No Mercy. I however would hate to see any of these fine young men leave our federation.. As so many of our other superstars DO manage to get over there is always room at the bottom!

Without a shadow of a doubt Haku must be my favorite wrestler. Not only does this man have the moves, he also has the do!

Both Edge and Christian have slight concussions after they crashed their heads into the steel steps during their match against Chris Benoit. They might miss some action, but should be back soon!
In the mean time I suggest these two to make some paintings..perhaps some happy little clouds..that's up to them, it's their world, their clouds. Maybe..make a little tree with some vandyk brown in a corner?

Who can take the hardcore title from The Big Show? Who actually cares? Perhaps one big match with Show, II Cool, Lo'Down, K-Kwick, Billy Gunn..with C4 explosives tied to their bodies...Now that is a match even Terry Funk would pass on!

That's it for this week. Be on the look out for my very own special Clam Chowder sauce. My great-granma's recipe is about to be picked up by a company!