February 9th, 2010
I never thought I'd use a phrase as unusual as polar mesoscale vortex on this web log again, but I appear to have underestimated myself.
Try Alien Hand Syndrome (AHS). Sounds made-up, doesn't it? If only. Alien Hand Syndrome is a very real and often unpleasant
condition -- and for the sufferers it can make life a misery. Simply put, AHS is a rare neurological disorder in which one hand
behaves as if it has a mind of its own.
Otherwise known as anarchic hand or Dr. Strangelove syndrome, AHS generally occurs in cases where a person's brain has been
subjected to trauma or invasive surgery. There are also several less well-known subtypes, one of which is caused by
understimulation of the right brain hemisphere.
It is widely accepted that the right brain hemisphere (which controls the left hand) is responsible for emotions, creativity
and free association, whereas the left hemisphere (which controls the right hand) is responsible for analysis, logic and
numeric ability. If an individual with an 'artistic' personality is prevented from expressing their creative tendencies (or
chooses to suppress them, for whatever reason), the right brain may attempt to express itself 'in secret'.
This happens most often during sleep, at which time the neglected area of the brain 'comes to life'. In some cases, this
causes the corresponding left hand to undergo a similar awakening. Several of my ex-partners have described in detail how
my left hand was in the habit of 'going walkabout' while I was asleep, and often watched it crawl crab-like across my upper torso as if in search of
something. That 'something' invariably turned out to be my face. Once found, the hand repeatedly traced its fingertips over the
various features, much in the fashion of a blind person familiarizing themselves with a new acquaintance.
Involuntary grabbing of bed-post, pillow or female companion was also not unheard of. This bewildering state of affairs came
to a gradual end around 2003. My writing career started to make modest progress at that time ... and the more stories I sold,
the further the AHS symptoms receded.
Until about a week ago, that is. Which is when I awoke in the night to find my left hand clamped firmly about the
metal upright of the bedhead. After several attempts at voluntary release, I was literally forced to peel the fingers free in
order to pry my hand loose.
Every night since, I have been roused from sleep by the little finger of my left hand hammering out a manic rhythym on the
mattress. This is a concern. I am writing probably more now than ever before, and yet my right brain once again seems to
think itself under-utilized.
After an absence of seven years, could it be that my long-forgotten Alien Hand Syndrome is making a comeback? And just how weird is 2010 turning out to be?
Oh, what, you think this is funny?
February 7th, 2010
Look what the postman brought me on Saturday morning.
Click photo to enlarge
Yeah, that's right. The witch again. Just giving me a gentle reminder of what's in store.
I think I preferred it when she was threatening to slit her own throat.
February 5th, 2010
This is an interesting development. I contacted my agent earlier this week in order to send him a batch
of stories he requested from me back in December. We're currently considering the idea of expanding one of my shorter works
into a full-length novel, and are discussing various options. The good news is that we already have
a strong front-runner. It's too early to say much else about this now, but the idea is an intriguing one.
As far as my existing novel is concerned, it turns out that unforseen circumstances had an affect on Sam's January
reading schedule, resulting in a minor delay. The good news is that my
manuscript has 'risen now to pretty much the top' of the pile. A few more weeks and I should
have a better idea of how we move forward.
Fingers crossed ...
February 2nd, 2010
So the witch phoned me again last night -- we're back on speaking terms after our recent spat -- to discuss an
unsettling local development. She rents a house on the edge of a tiny rural village in the province of West
Friesland, and the area has been plagued of late by a bizarre weather phenomenon known as a polar low.
Ever heard of this before? Otherwise known as a polar mesoscale vortex or Arctic hurricane, theses
fast-moving cyclonic depressions are extremely rare in western Europe, and consist of screaming winds, gyrating snow flurries,
booming thunder, and rapid strobe lightning. The last one howled in from the coast in the early hours of yesterday
morning ... and as the eye of the storm passed across the village, plaintive groans filled the air.
Spooky.
Anyway, the witch is fighting back. When darkness fell, she knocked up a glowing amber potion in her cauldron
using a base of orange lentils. She augmented it using 'toadstools, lavender and strange herbs'.
Fearing the worst, I asked: Another curse?
My dinner, came the reply.
Apparently, this potent soup provides much-needed winter warmth when conditons
are at their most severe. Think I'll stick to tea and crumpets myself.
January 25th, 2010
I had the misfortune to be cursed by a witch today. Per email. I know this sounds like the opening line to a bad joke, but it's entirely true.
The individual in question is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white witch from the frozen wastes of the far north, and
boy, is she pissed at yours truly. I mean really hatin' on me.
It wouldn't be so worrying had I not recently examined the inside of her hardware cupboard. Books on sorcery, black candles, bottled potions -- and donīt even get me started on her collection
of ceremonial daggers. This is profoundly disturbing stuff.
There's also a rumour -- unconfirmed as of yet -- that she possesses a low-calibre pistol. Yikes!
Note to self: no more dating sexy Wiccans, no matter how much fun they are. It just ain't worth it.
Wondering about that fridge door now, too ...
January 22nd, 2010
Received an email from Karen Lee Field yesterday morning informing me that the Speculative Realms anthology is now officially an Ebook. This
superb collection of tales, which contains my supernatural thriller "The Widower's Tale", originally appeared in print in
December of 2008. The digital version can now be viewed here:
To quote directly from Karen's email: "The book has been listed for $US1.99, however, as a special promotion anyone who uses
Coupon Code ST94L at the checkout will get the book for only $US1. Please feel free to promote this wherever you can. The
offer expires on 31 January 2010."
One dollar? A measly, stinkin' buck for an entire Ebook? We must be crazy! Come on, folks, unlimber those big fat wallets. You just know you want to ...
Update: in unrelated news, my fridge door just fell off.
January 19th, 2010
Received my copy of The Best Horror of the Year: Volume One in the post today, and a very welcome addition to the library it is.
Edited by the ever-dependable Ellen Datlow, this impressive volume is the successor to the Year's Best Fantasy and Horror series,
which Ms Datlow edited on a total of 21 occasions.
No
Honourable Mention for me this time, but considering I've only published a total of five short stories in the past two years (owing to an increased
focus on novel writing), I wasn't exactly holding my breath.
I did, however, uncover the following in the 'Summation 2008' section:
"The Second Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories edited by Ian Alexander Martin (Humdrumming) is the follow-up to last year's promising anthology
and it doesn't disappoint. All fifteen stories appear for the first time and some are quite good, particularly those by Christopher Fowler,
Davin Ireland, Michael Kelly, Sarah Pinborough, Simon Strantzas, John Travis, and Conrad Williams. Unfortunately, the press ceased publishing."
Kudos to Sarah Pinborough, by the way, who bagged an HM for her short story 'Our Man in the Sudan'.
January 16th, 2010
It's starting to look as if 2008's Speculative Realms print anthology, which contains my supernatural
thriller "The Widower's Tale", will shortly be republished as an ebook.
Karen Lee Field, founder of the Speculative Realms website, has been working extremely hard to extend the existing contract, and
to prepare the book for publication in its new format. To gain an idea of what to expect, please visit the Smashwords website.
January 15th, 2010
SALE. My apocalyptic science fiction short story "Usher" has just been accepted by Canadian publisher Northern Frights for inclusion in their forthcoming War of the Worlds: Frontlines anthology. See the top of the page for details.
January 13th, 2010
In respect of the Haiti earthquake disaster, I've decided to forgo my planned (and admittedly rather crass) 'Happy New Year' bulletin in favour of something more practical. The link below will take you directly to Oxfam's disaster response page, where a quick and simple donation can be made.
