The terrible Tudors 

The Tudor times. was it a great time to live in?

I ones told my friend Margaret, who lives in England, that I so very much would liked to have lived in Tudor times .She looked a bit amused at me, and asked "Oh would you now, I see"!!   "O, yes..." I swooned. "That time must have been so extremely exciting". That next Christmas, she send me a parcel, and in it was a book. A book about the terrible Tudors. And for all the fools like me, who also would loved to have lived that time, I am going to share some lines from this book.

Because I am a woman, lets start at the life a Tudor women had.  

1. Girls could marry at 12 ( boys at 14) This was usually arranged by their parents. They would still live with their parents at this age.. Many upper-class girls were married by 15. At the age of 16 they could live with their husbands. If a girl didn't marry there wasn't much she could do. Very often she had to stay at home with her parents and spin. that's why they became known as "spinsters" -a name we still use. 

2.One farmer described a good wife's behavior. He said she should.....pray when first getting out of bed, then clean the house, lay the table, milk the cows, dress the children, cook meals for the household, brew and bake when needed, send corn to the mill, make butter and cheese, look after the swine and collect the eggs. and perhaps there was some time left to go to the market to sell butter, cheese, milk, eggs, chickens, pigs, geese and all manner of corn. 

3. Once every three months, the household tablecloths and bed-clothes were washed; the girls were expected to help with this.

4. Women could be punished for nagging and "scolding" . A court record from 1592 says..... de wife of Walter Hycocks and the wife of Peter Phillips are common scolds. Therefore it is ordered that they shall be told in church to stop their scolding. But, if their neighbors complain a second time, they shall be punished by the ducking stool. And the "ducking stool" meant being tied to a chair and lowered in a nearby river. If the ducking stool didn't work then there was the "branks"- an iron mask that clamped onto the head with a metal bar going into the woman's mouth to hold her tongue down. Wearing the branks, a woman would be paraded round the town to show other women what might happen to them. 

 lets talk about clothes now.

It was during the Tudor period that English clothes for the rich became exciting and different., Merchants were in touch with countries as far away as Russia and America. While the Tudor poor still wore rough woolen clothes, the Tudor rich were even better dressed than ever before with velvets and satins form Italy, lace from France, starch from Holland. And starch meant they could make those stiff collars. "Ruffs", that were so popular in Elizabeth's time. but.. the thing you probably don't know........

Sometimes the stiff ruffs were so wide that ladies could not  reach their mouths to eat.

Silversmiths had to make extra long spoons for them. 

The Elizabethan ladies fashion was for tiny waists. To help them squeeze into smart dresses, the ladies ( and even the girls ) wore iron corsets.

Elizabethan men wore short trousers called "hose". They had to pad them so they wouldn't show any creases. They weren't too fussy what they padded them with._ horsehair ( itchy), rags or even bran ( horse food ) ! if one of those "hose" split the bran would run out. 

In 1571, Elizabeth's parliament made a law forcing all married woman to wear white knitted caps, and all man ( over the age of six ) to wear woolen hats. The hats and caps had to be knitted in England using English wool. Elizabeth got a lot of taxes from the wool trade. 

What about food !  

First lets start with some table manners: At the table thou must....

Scratch not thy head with thy fingers when thou art at meat.

fill not thy mouth too full, lest thou perhaps must speak. 

Pick not thy teeth with thy knife nor with thou finger end. 

Nor blow out thy crumbs when thou dost eat.

Foul not the place with spitting where thou dost sit. 

Tudor women, men and children drank beer, wine, sherry, mead or cider. This was not because they were drunkards. It was because the water was not fit to drink unless boiled. The rich could buy or hunt for a wide range of meats. The poor had little meat. Their main food was bread. sometimes they caught rabbits hares or fish to go with their turnips, beans and cabbage. Tudor people were keen on spices. Most of the food was heavily salted to stop it going bad, so spices helped to disguise the salty taste. it also disguised the taste of rotten meat.

 A recipe, for you to enjoy............

To make  pies that the birds may be alive  in them and fly   

out  when it is cut up. 

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Make the piecrust of a great pie,

fill  it full of flour and bake it.

Being baked, open a hole at the bottom and take out the flour

Then having a real pie the size of the hole, put it inside the piecrust.

Put under the piecrust around the real pie, as many small live birds

as the empty piecrust will hold. 

This is to be done before such a time as you send the pie to the 

table  and set it before the guests.

Uncovering , or cutting the great lid of the pie, all the birds will fly out, 

which is a delight and a pleasure to the guests. 

So that they may not be hungry,

 you  shall cut open the small pie. 

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Tudor crimes and terrible punishments.

Being a tramp...... whipped and having a hole burned through the right ear.

A woman poisons her husband...... Burned alive. 

A man poisons another man, even if the victim does not die.......To be boiled in water or lead.

Lying in court "perjury"........Branded on the forehead with the letter 'P' using a hot iron.

Helping or sheltering someone who is a murderer... Death by hanging.

Stealing....Having the letter 'F' branded on the cheek, ears cut of, nostrils slit, and hands cut off.

Would you still like to have lived in Tudor times?

Ok, some last facts for you .. On average, only one person in ten lived to the age of 40. many died in childhood_ the first year  was the most dangerous of your life. Why were Tudor times so unhealthy?  

Open sewers ran through the streets and carried diseases. 

Toilets were little more than a hole in the ground outside the back door.

Water often came from the village pumps. These often took the water from a local river, and that river was full of the filth of the town.

If there were "doctors" in Tudor times, these were the cures they suggested for illnesses.

Rheumatism ...  Wear the skin of a donkey.

Smallpox...Hang red curtains round the patient's bed- the red light is the cure. 

Gout.( swollen foot) Boil a red-haired dog in oil. add worms, pigs marrow and herbs. Make a mixture and put it on the affected area. 

Plague..... Put the herb, rue on the windowsill.

Jaundice ( bad liver) .. Swallow nine lice mixed with a little ale each morning for a week. 

Deafness....The gall of a hare, and the grease of a fox. Warm the mixture and place in the ear. 

You've have reviewed some of the past now... So, are you "thankful" that you didn't live then, or..... do you still agree like me, I don't dare to say this loud. that the Tudor time was an extremely exciting time to live.